This morning I woke up with a hooker in my bed - seriously_

So, I get that I'm in Germany and all, but really? (and CBA people, it's OK, this story is relatively safe for work).

I was out for the night and ended up not heading back to my mixed dorm bed til about 6am... when I arrive, there's a girl asleep in my bed. No big deal, she obviously just jumped in the wrong bed (happens all the time in large dorms) so I got in the only spare bed and enjoy some much needed sleep.

When I stir at about 9:30, I hear the familiar sound of a cigarette lighter sparking... I lean over (I was on the top bunk) and see that the girl is up now, and literally sitting in bed (my bed) smoking! So I call her on it and she apologies and starts fussing about like she is about to leave.

I drift back off a little but hear yet another familiar sound... this one far more unique: the rustling of Nurofen pills in their jar - in MY toiletries bag!

She's going through my stuff!!

So I get up this time, and she quickly leaves, leaving her bags behind... so I know she's coming back. I let a friend in the dorm know what's going on and head down to reception to let them know what's going on. I mean, no huge deal, she hasn't actually stolen anything, but I just wanted to let them know.. they were already aware of the odd lady in room one, and said just to keep eye on her and let it ride for now.. fine.

I head back to the room and basically hover around until she leaves. At this point I see she has used my towel - it's sitting on the bed where she was sleeping.

By this stage I am completely weirded out, but laughing more than anything - no real harm has been done... until I lean over and simultaneously balance my self with my hand on the bed, and pick up my towel. It's at this point I make a startling realisation, and discover why she has used my towel....

She has wet the fucking bed!! MY fucking bed. And used MY towel to clean herself up!

I dry reach a little, pick up my towel with a plastic bag, desperate not to touch it, and head straight to the laundromat!! My face screwed (as it is again as I type) in one of disgust!!

Now, spray me with some sanitiser! In fact, just get out the petrol and set me alight, I feel.. dirty.

Seriously Germany? Now that's un heimlich.