Monday, August 30, 2010

This morning I woke up with a hooker in my bed - seriously_

So, I get that I'm in Germany and all, but really? (and CBA people, it's OK, this story is relatively safe for work).

I was out for the night and ended up not heading back to my mixed dorm bed til about 6am... when I arrive, there's a girl asleep in my bed. No big deal, she obviously just jumped in the wrong bed (happens all the time in large dorms) so I got in the only spare bed and enjoy some much needed sleep.

When I stir at about 9:30, I hear the familiar sound of a cigarette lighter sparking... I lean over (I was on the top bunk) and see that the girl is up now, and literally sitting in bed (my bed) smoking! So I call her on it and she apologies and starts fussing about like she is about to leave.

I drift back off a little but hear yet another familiar sound... this one far more unique: the rustling of Nurofen pills in their jar - in MY toiletries bag!

She's going through my stuff!!

So I get up this time, and she quickly leaves, leaving her bags behind... so I know she's coming back. I let a friend in the dorm know what's going on and head down to reception to let them know what's going on. I mean, no huge deal, she hasn't actually stolen anything, but I just wanted to let them know.. they were already aware of the odd lady in room one, and said just to keep eye on her and let it ride for now.. fine.

I head back to the room and basically hover around until she leaves. At this point I see she has used my towel - it's sitting on the bed where she was sleeping.

By this stage I am completely weirded out, but laughing more than anything - no real harm has been done... until I lean over and simultaneously balance my self with my hand on the bed, and pick up my towel. It's at this point I make a startling realisation, and discover why she has used my towel....

She has wet the fucking bed!! MY fucking bed. And used MY towel to clean herself up!

I dry reach a little, pick up my towel with a plastic bag, desperate not to touch it, and head straight to the laundromat!! My face screwed (as it is again as I type) in one of disgust!!

Now, spray me with some sanitiser! In fact, just get out the petrol and set me alight, I feel.. dirty.

Seriously Germany? Now that's un heimlich.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Spokey Dokey Performance_

It has been recently brought to my attention that there has been a distinct lack of mention of the performance of my Spokey Dokeys. There has even been suggestion that I... *sharp intake of breath* forgot to put the dokeys on my spokeys.


Now, whilst I understand from where, whom and how this suggestion may have come about (and I will deliberately lay no blame), I am taking the opportunity today - in the open forum that is the interweb - to very firmly correct this misunderstanding, set things straight, and also document, in vivid detail, the performance of my Spokey Dokeys.

I did not forget to snap on my dokeys to my standard bike spokeys. Nor, as has also been suggested, did I choose other "Blog" articles to take precedence over the current subject. This misunderstanding shall we say, is borne from a simple issue of timing. There is just no point even trying to assess, let alone discuss, let alone document the performance of one's Spokey Dokeys without them having been put to the true test.

That test - one of endurance, of speed, power, pain, dexterity, soggy boots, slippery slides and brilliant colour - took place yesterday on the Autobahns of Germany...

Having snapped the entire pack of 36 bike spoke beads to my bike spokes some time ago, I awoke yesterday morning knowing that this day would be the day. The air was thick with anticipation - and rain. The ground was a murky broth of expectation - and mud. As I rolled out of the camping ground, and onto the main road, the clitter clatter of the spin and tumble of the beads sang loudly over splitter splatter of the rain on my visor - the first time I'd noticed the sound so proudly above all else. As we neared the Autobahn, it seemed there was not a single other wave of sound in range. Clitter clatter. Clitter clatter...

I could tell that the sight of all 36 dokeys on my spokeys was one to behold as I was clearly bedazzling the other motorists who - being German - beamed with happiness and delight. I felt proud to be able to bring 36 multi coloured rays of sunshine to what most would see as an otherwise dreary German day. Clitter clatter.

As I rolled onto the Autobahn entrance, and my pace increased, the clitter clatter morphed into a steady whirrr... the true performance of the spokey dokeys was about to be realised - I could feel my bike wheels come alive. Whirrrr... buzzzz..  bedazzzzzle..

Singing along at 140 now, I spotted something familiar out of the corner of my eye.. was it.. no.. could it have been? Really? A pink one? Surely it was just someone's brake light glistening in a rain drop. It couldn't have been...?

Then another, this time green. A shade of green that could mean only one thing.

The realisation took a moment to truly register... my dokeys were releasing themselves from my spokeys. One brilliant coloured bead spinning and tumbling off its perch at a time like a flock of tits taking off into the sky.

And then, amidst the glares, stares, flashing lights, and shaking fists of the German motorists, the second realisation took hold - I'm on an Autobahn, I can't just stop. My eyes darted desperately for any sign of escape... a flash of blue, it's an exit sign! No.. just another dokey... by now they're shooting off at a rapid rate. I think it's too late. Clitter clatter, whirrrr... p'chooo p'chooo!

I try slowing down, but this just irritates the motorists more. P'chooo p'chooo!! Finally, the familiar blue of an exit sign... I dart off abruptly to the right, and make my way gingerly along the exit, and toward safety.

I subconsciously wait a full ten minutes before peering down at my now naked spokeys. There is not a dokey in sight. I am devastated. I look around longingly, desperately, but no-one notices. I practice over and over in my head "Ich habe alles verloren, meine spokey dokeys." And whilst I am sure they would understand, even with my accent, they just wouldn't truly understand. "Un heimlich" they would surely say...

I am lonely.

I am lost.

I feel defeated.

But I am not embarrassed.

It was a triumphant end. Thank you Spokey Dokeys on behalf of the world, for the joy you have brought us. Your performance was impressive, and your last hurrah was dazzling!

Auf Wiedersehen Spokey Dokeys.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Thank you Amsterdam_

...for not letting me down, and living up to your reputation. I could actually smell the weed as I rode into town... bahahahaha!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Note to self_

Get organised, book ahead. This will mean you don't have to spend half a day inside in Bruges, whilst the weather is absolutely gorgeous, just so you can find a place to sleep that night... Over.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Stuck in a little english town near the motorbike mechanics while I wait for a new part to come in... apparently it's a bad thing if/when the front wheel bearing on a motorbike fails... ah well, making the most of it and have booked my ferry to France, and also shaved my head  somewhat randomly... it's amazing what a little boredom does to you!!

France here I come - we shall meet again on Thursday around 3pm... I can't wait.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A little change in the way I blog_

To all those reading... as of today I'm changing the way I blog. To date I've been trying to keep everything chronological and not post anything "now", before I post anything about something that had happened prior to "now". This approach isn't really working as it means I have to always upload photos and write up everything of earlier events before I can really post something short and sweet about "now". So instead, I will just post merrily as I go, and from time to time will post something a little more substantial, that will have images and stuff, and be more of a retrospective summary of my time in a city or place, or just a chunkier story about something that may have happened... I think this will work better, but am happy to hear if anyone thinks otherwise.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Road Recommendation (UK) 3_

A82, A83, A85, A835, A832, A890 all throughout the Highlands in Scotland... in particular for a good sweeping but quick blat on the bike the A85 from Oban to Crianlarich Glasgow bound... incredible.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Camping v1.0_

So.. camping huh.. who's idea was this? I FINALLY did it.. but...

When I arrived.. it was raining.

When I set up camp.. it was raining.

When I cooked dinner.. yup, you guessed it - raining.

And when I packed up camp the next morning.. uh huh - raining.

It rained the whole time aside from the few moments it took me to snap these photos when of course, it was a glorious day!!

A sadistic little part of me still enjoyed it all though.. and as much as I've enjoyed having a bed and an actual roof over my head the few nights I've slept since camping, I think I will go back to it.. it has a strange allure. I think I just need to be better prepared next time.





Camping, I think you and I will get on just fine - let's just take things slowly, k?

Thursday, August 5, 2010


02/08/2010 2:00pm Had a great trip into Edinburgh. All of a sudden I figured I was in Scotland, but couldn't be certain as there was no obvious border or welcome sign!! I realised only when I filled up with petrol and couldn't understand a word the attendant spoke, that I was in fact now in Scotland!! The road up into here was amazing, the A7 from Galashiels to Edinburgh in particular, was gorgeous. The bike is going great, and I'm averaging a speed of about 40mph including stops, which I think isn't too bad given the time I have - it's a nice leisurely pace methinks - but the bloody check engine light on the bike came on again. Thankfully I bumped into a really nice local Scot at the bike parking who offered to tell me where the local Triumph service centre was... in fact, as luck would have it he was even going there right that moment so offered to show me the way which was great!

At the service centre the guys checked out the CEL and cleared it again for me, this time diagnosing a minor Air Pressure sensor switch problem, but that was fixed with a quick clean out at no charge! And while waiting, I met a couple of nice blokes who actually turned out to be Aussies, both Shire boys, and one even from Gymea Bay, where I grew up!! That was the fist taste of what I realised was a town full of Aussies! Most of the staff at the hostel were Aussies too! A popular spot obviously...

02/08/2010 8:00pm OK, so bike fixed and parked safely where it'll be for a few days... and decided I was a bit bored with my beard and thought perhaps I looked a little old with it so took it all off!! I even toyed with the idea of shaving my hair off too, but thought better of it. One change for now is enough! Frustratingly though, playing the same old game.. sitting on my own, and not really meeting anyone!!!




03/08/2010 7:00pm Oooh... struggling after a MASSIVE night out.. turns out I did meet some people and after a couple of beers and a few intros, we had ourselves a small posse!! This is better! Out til about 3 and absolutely hammered. Good times were had - we even danced! Today I went on a free walking tour of the city which was great. Very interesting and a good way to spend the day seeing stuff without having to think for yourself! Hung out with Dan and Paris, who I'd met the night before I think...




04/08/2010 5:00pm Same again last night, this time out til 4am. This is starting to hurt! Before we went out though, and really the beginning of it all, we went of a ghost tour through the dark alleys and some cemeteries of the city which was really interesting, but not exactly scary! Was a great night which was more spent hanging out and chatting than full on drinking.. and of course we decided it would be a good idea to watch Braveheart at the end of the night too! Hahaha, that didn't last long of course!






05/08/2010 11:00am Another late night last night, probably not really worth it, but nothing an IRN BRU (famous Scottish Energy drink) couldn't help with. It's time for me to move on from here, on the road today! I promise I'll camp tonight... Oh, have also decided it's time for me to head south for the summer. I'm going to give Ireland a miss for now (sorry Keelin and Colin!!). I just need some real sunny warm summer... It barely tops 20 here and it's SUMMER?!




Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Road Recommendation (UK) 2_

A7 north into Edinburgh from Galashiels, Scotland

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Just get in a damn tent_

So to date.. I am yet to camp... I just can't bring myself to do it. I think it's partly the worry of being in a foreign place, in a foreign "home" all by myself... but I think more than that, there's something a little deeper bugging me. I know exactly what it is too - I'm struggling to really get in and meet people... for various reasons it's just not working as I'd hoped. Sometimes it's purely a language thing, other times it's shyness on my, or the other person's part. Whatever it is, it's really getting to me whenever I stop somewhere.

I have a million thoughts rolling through my mind of possible solutions... anyone who knows me well enough personally I am sure will get just as frustrated with me via blog as they would in person!! It's the Gemini in me... both of me.

Should I even both with camping? I mean, maybe I just dump the camping gear, and go 100% hostel accommodation? I've spent a fortune on stuff, but maybe I just sell it in time and use that money elsewhere? It seems crazy but seems to be a solution too. And surely when I camp, I'll pretty much guarantee myself to not meet anyone (I know I know, I hear all you camping ground campers out there sigh... but... I dunno... it's just, I dunno)., and assure myself of loneliness?

But then maybe if I am alone by choice, I will be OK?

But if I dumped all the gear it would be a big burden of stuff I wouldn't have to worry about anymore too... but then what if I changed my mind and wanted to camp? Or got stuck somewhere and had to camp?

Maybe I should just stick with it, and try it out a few times... at least give it a go? $%^&*() so frustrating! Argh!!


A walk through the hills of Windamere makes it all clear for me. And (not surprisingly in retrospect) I am back to the original plan I had all along. Camp whenever you can between big cities, stay in hostels when you want... but ultimately, JFDI... (Just Fucking Do It). STOP doubting, and just go with it. In the grand scheme, what's the worst that can happen? After all, the whole reason I am doing this is clear... Life's too short.

Monday, August 2, 2010


I arrived in a fun little area of the lakes District late this afternoon and stumbled upon a YHA deep in the mountains after sneaking up a little side street lane that looked like it was going up to a farmers house.. bloody cold up north though.. check it out:




More here.

Road Recommendation (UK)_

A515 Ashbourne to Manchester